Pride

Round 2: October 2002 (Fall)

Derrick is 42

It had been a long time since I'd been to jail. Over 10 years if I had to bet and it was nothing like how I remembered. They put me in a special prison because I was a 'cop killer'. The only problem with that is I didn't kill that cop but I couldn't let them take my wife away. She wouldn't make it in here so I confessed to something I didn't do.  

The cops only came once a day. They checked to make sure no one had tried to escape and there was food to eat. It was also a normal occurance for them to take out dead bodies when they left. I didn't want to be one of those dead bodies. 

I was also tired of being a punching bag for this shit bag so I let him have it. I told Lora I would stay out of trouble but that went out the window quick. You only got one time to hit me before I lost my mind. 

Okay maybe he got more then once but that all changed when I got my regular weekly phone call. I was expecting it to be from my wife like it always is but to my surprise it was my baby girl Irma. She was crying and didn't know who else to call since Donnie was missing. 

She said she was in trouble, some boy hit her. All I could see was red. Who the fuck hit her. As she went deeper into explaination my whole world turned upside down.

Irma: Okay daddy, don't get mad, I know what you did to Donnie because of this and I just don't think I could live through it like he did but I'm gay... 

The line got silent, almost like she was waiting for me to yell at her but this was my first little girl, my princess. I just couldn't find the drive to be mad at her. I try not to let my disappoint show through in my voice. I was deeply religious and being gay is a sin but this was my princess. 

Derrick: Is that why he hit you? Because your gay or because you turned him down?

Irma: I assume both, honestly I couldn't tell you. I just have this feeling that something is going to happen and I'm scared. 

Derrick: Don't be princess, I will handle it and .. I'm so sorry I did that to Donnie. It is my biggest regret in life and I wish I could take it back. 

I hear her let out a sigh of relief, it felt good to be needed. It felt even better that she was even talking to me again. Our conversation goes on for another hour before she tells me she has to get going to class. 

Derrick: Princess.. I love you.

Irma: You really disappointed me daddy but I will always love you. Never forget that okay?

We hang up and I choke up. Her words repeating in my head, "You really disappointed me but I will always love you." Shit I disappointed myself.